As I am starting to settle down here (been here a month now), I am learning lots of things...Russian for starters.
And amidst the hopelessness and cynicism here, I am begining to see how cynical I had become over the last several years. I know, I know, you are sitting there saying to yourself, "whaaa?? Jared...cynical???".
It's funny... I now I have some truer benchmarks for poverty, suffering, and pain, and I realize that based on this reality, I should probably be the happiest person here.
Suffering...yeah I've seen some. Broken heart...yeah, I've had one. And yet, I know the creator of the Universe, and I know he is IN LOVE with me! I get to learn more about that everyday, if I choose to look through the right eyes.
Cynicism?, I am now living a land of cynics. Both christians and non-don't always seem to have a lot of hope. Christians have hope, but maybe in that far off, "when we get to heaven" kind of way. This is coming into stark contrast with the many "Kingdom Now" and "bring heaven to earth" teachings I have heard lately. Not only have listened to these messages, enthralled by them, I've even come to believe in praying to see miracles, healing and other "everyday" activities for christians (a la the book of acts) ... I've been thrown in a state of theological conflict. If these doctrines are true, they are true even here, not just in the land of plenty. So...I guess I now have to put my faith where my mouth is and start living a miraculous life. Or, i guess I could become just another cynic.
I just can't help but think that there has to be more to it than my personal view of God and sharing that through relational evangelism. That is good, but how will the world come to know Jesus if we only ever see a salvation here....and a salvation there...hmmmm.
Sadly, I am realizing how jaded I had become, even living in the greatest country in the world, in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I am ashamed of myself...I used to think it fashionable to have at least a cynical edge. I mean, it's just not cool (or realistic) to have a rose colored view of life. Ohh sweet irony...I am listening to "cademon's call" as I type this. This a christian band that I hated before I came...way to hopeful and "cheesy." The difference is now? I am just really thirsty for hope...at least these "cheesy" songs have that.
I prayed before I came that I would not become cynical like other missionaries I had know who had come here. And oddly enough, my heart seems to be transforming right before my very eyes. Hmmm....curious....Thanks God :-)
And amidst the hopelessness and cynicism here, I am begining to see how cynical I had become over the last several years. I know, I know, you are sitting there saying to yourself, "whaaa?? Jared...cynical???".
It's funny... I now I have some truer benchmarks for poverty, suffering, and pain, and I realize that based on this reality, I should probably be the happiest person here.
Suffering...yeah I've seen some. Broken heart...yeah, I've had one. And yet, I know the creator of the Universe, and I know he is IN LOVE with me! I get to learn more about that everyday, if I choose to look through the right eyes.
Cynicism?, I am now living a land of cynics. Both christians and non-don't always seem to have a lot of hope. Christians have hope, but maybe in that far off, "when we get to heaven" kind of way. This is coming into stark contrast with the many "Kingdom Now" and "bring heaven to earth" teachings I have heard lately. Not only have listened to these messages, enthralled by them, I've even come to believe in praying to see miracles, healing and other "everyday" activities for christians (a la the book of acts) ... I've been thrown in a state of theological conflict. If these doctrines are true, they are true even here, not just in the land of plenty. So...I guess I now have to put my faith where my mouth is and start living a miraculous life. Or, i guess I could become just another cynic.
I just can't help but think that there has to be more to it than my personal view of God and sharing that through relational evangelism. That is good, but how will the world come to know Jesus if we only ever see a salvation here....and a salvation there...hmmmm.
Sadly, I am realizing how jaded I had become, even living in the greatest country in the world, in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I am ashamed of myself...I used to think it fashionable to have at least a cynical edge. I mean, it's just not cool (or realistic) to have a rose colored view of life. Ohh sweet irony...I am listening to "cademon's call" as I type this. This a christian band that I hated before I came...way to hopeful and "cheesy." The difference is now? I am just really thirsty for hope...at least these "cheesy" songs have that.
I prayed before I came that I would not become cynical like other missionaries I had know who had come here. And oddly enough, my heart seems to be transforming right before my very eyes. Hmmm....curious....Thanks God :-)
posted by Jared at 12:12 PM
1 Comments:
I know that you don't know me. I go to Praise Tabernacle and you were there and got prayed over before you left.
Isn't it amazing how God can put you in a new and "unfamiliar" environment and your views and perceptions seem to change. Like you said, you didn't realize how cynical you were.
I will keep you in my prayers and I am positive that God will work wonders in you and give you above and beyond what you are praying and trusting him for.
Be blessed friend.
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